Update: Zach Sobiech Dies

In March, I wrote about Zach Sobiech's inspirational fight with cancer. To see more on this story, click http://characterandleadership.blogspot.com/2013/03/boy-dying-of-cancer-inspires-others.html

On Monday, March 20, some 17 days after his eighteenth birthday, Zach died.

I have said all that I can say about this amazing person, so I will not repeat myself here.  I will simply leave you with the following video, which is a documentary about his final days. If you don't cry while watching this video, I am truly worried about you. If this does not inspire you to be a better person, I am truly worried about you.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20702225,00.html

My wish for you: As you complete another school year and begin another summer break, please use this story to keep your life and your problems in their proper perspective. I hope we all can keep Zach's life philosophy in mind, "What makes you happy is seeing someone smile because you put it there. That's what's awesome about living in this world." Imagine what the world would be like if we all embraced this message.

Your Turn:
No questions this time, just tweet your responses @CDandLeadership using #GoodByeZach

Reality Sketches: An Interesting Take

This Youtube clip ran across my desk the other day and I wanted to pass it along. Dove invited women into a studio for a series of "Reality Sketches." In the first sketch, a woman described herself to the artist. In the next segment, someone the woman just met described her to the same artist. A very interesting pattern emerged. To view the experiment, click below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk

The Pattern: In most cases, the self-described portrait was much uglier & harsher than the one described to the artist by a relative stranger. It seems that women are perhaps their own worst critic and are fairly critical of their own bodies. The question is why?

The Quest for Perfection: In a video I placed below, an industry insider says that 99.9% of all photos in a magazine are photo-shopped. This means that even the hottest Hollywood actresses and models have their photos air-brushed so they can live up to a certain public image. All this after spending 2 hours a day with a personal trainer at the gym, hiring the best hair and make-up artists, and possibly having surgeries to enhance their looks. The average reader has no idea that their favorite Hollywood star doesn't look that good in real life, which creates unrealistic expectations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP31r70_QNM&feature=fvwp&NR=1

A Little Experiment: For fun and intrigue, go to the mall and "people-watch." Pay attention to all the different body-types, skin tones, hair styles, facial features... Note your judgments of people. Then, flip through a magazine, watch commercials, look at models, actresses... note the differences between the "average person" and the "celebrity person."

Dove's Message: The messages to be thin,beautiful and perfect are everywhere. Men and women buy into this unattainable notion of perfection and internalize it. I think Dove is trying to say, "Don't be so harsh on yourself." "Celebrate the unique nature of your face and body." "Don't allow your self-esteem to be so closely tied to your looks."  "You are more beautiful than you think."

Your Turn:
1) When you finished watching Dove's Reality Sketches, what did you think and feel?
2) How much pressure do people in your generation feel to look a certain way?
3) Can a person's perceptions of themselves (i.e. their self-esteem) influence the outcomes of certain situations? Can you be successful if you think you're dumb? Can you be truly confident if you think your ugly? Worthless?

News Anchor Gets Fired For Swearing

AJ Clemente had a tough first day on the job at a NBC affiliate station in North Dakota. Without knowing that his microphone was live and that he was on the air, he said a few cuss words. Within 24 hours, he was fired by the station. Of course, the video went viral (not shown below because school is not the right context - read below) and people had all sorts of comments. He has appeared on many national entertainment shows including, David Lettermen, The View and Live with Kelly and Michael.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqC2Pc-Na3I (Live with Kelly and Michael)

Author's Perspective: First, let's get this out there - people swear. In almost every culture and in every language, there are "naughty," "bad" or "dirty" words.  In America, swearing is not dependent upon how much money you make, what color you are, what part of the country you are from or how you vote. Specifically, 72 percent of men and 58 percent of women swear in public (what about when they are alone and kick the dresser with their toe?). 74 percent of 18 to 34 year olds swear and 48 percent of people who are over age 55 do the same.  For more stats on swearing:
http://www.seattlepi.com/lifestyle/article/New-poll-Americans-swear-allegiance-to-1199629.php

The president of the United States admittedly has a foul-mouth as have many other presidents. The last two vice-presidents of the US were caught dropping the F-bomb. Doctors, teachers, principals, counselors, ministers, soldiers... swear.  Many don't, but many do. Truth is, I, "The Character Guy" swear. Get me on the golf course and I am known to let 'em fly. I have certain friends and family members that can't put together a sentence without swearing.

Context: While I can swear with the best of them, I don't swear in schools or around children. I don't swear around people I don't know and I usually don't swear in mixed company. Why? While many do swear, many don't - and many find that kind of language offensive or inappropriate - hence the term "bad" words. So, we all must learn context. When is it inappropriate? With whom? And, if I have to error, I error on the side of caution. You will never regret not swearing, but you will regret swearing in the wrong circumstance.

Contradiction of Terms: Even though I swear, there is nothing worse than hearing it used so casually in a public place, like a movie theater or a mall. I even confronted two guys at Arby's last year who were using very colorful language at a nearby booth when I was with my four children. They looked at my children and immediately apologized, as they should have. When I enter a school, I am bothered by students who casually swear and it is a quick way to judge the climate of a school.  Fair or not, we need to have rules of "naughty" words and context is crucial. 

Back to the Story: I am a big believer in second chances and I think AJ Clemente made an honest mistake. He did not do this with intent or purpose. I know many people complained and probably demanded that he be fired. I also wonder about the silent majority who didn't call, but feel the way I do. With a simple apology and some self-deprecating humor, this could blow over pretty quickly. I say give the guy another chance.

Your Turn (follow us & tweet responses @CDandLeadership using #CDandL): 1) Would you have fired him or do you think he should have been fired?
2) If you swear, do you know how to filter yourself when and where it is not appropriate to swear? Do you understand context?
3) As a class, can you come up with a list of do's and dont's when it comes to swearing?
4) How closely do you think swearing is tied to a person's character?

Another Senseless Tragedy: Soccer Referee Dies

In his spare time, Ricardo Portillo refereed local youth soccer games simply because he loved doing so. His daughters tried to get him to stop because he was previously attacked by soccer players who disagreed with his calls. One player broke his leg and another broke his ribs. On April 27, 2013, Portillo called a foul on a goalie and issued him a yellow card. In response, the 17-year-old player sucker-punched him in the face while Portillo was writing down his notes. Several hours later, he slipped into a coma. One week later, he died. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TKg8RLarrA

Author's Perspective: Three weeks ago I was in Taylorsville, Utah, a suburb of Salt Lake City. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen - nothing but mountains, sunshine and fresh air. The views are intoxicating and left me  feeling peaceful and calm. To think that in this setting, a boy would punch a referee because he received a "yellow card" in a youth-league soccer game with nothing at stake, is... absurd... crazy...so sad.




Small Picture: Ricardo Portillo's life is over at the age of 46 and all the good that he would have provided went with him. His daughters (Johana and Ana) were robbed of spending many more years together and will forever mourn him. His grandchildren will grow up without knowing him. This affects so many people - his extended family, his employer and friends. And, think about the life of this 17-year-old kid. Due to a momentary loss of his temper, his life is basically lost too.  He will spend most of his life in prison. His parents will mourn him too in their own way.

Big Picture: I could show you video after video of athletes, parents and coaches who act like idiots without any foresight of the consequences for their behavior. I hear obscenities in the crowds at games, watch coaches yell and scream at officials and have narrowly avoided fights between fans of competing schools. This inappropriate behavior happens at the professional level, in college, in high school and in recreational leagues.

Tip of The Iceberg: We hear about this case because Ricardo Portillo died. We never heard about the players who broke his ribs and leg. We don't hear about the thousands of outbursts, fights and injuries around this country. My question is, how did we get to this point? Where is the anger coming from? Isn't it just a game?  Athletics is supposed to provide people with exercise, competition and fun. It pushes a player to test individual limits and to work as a team. It also provides entertainment for those who are watching.

Your Turn (follow us & tweet responses @CDandLeadership using #CDandL): 1) What thoughts and feelings did you have when you heard this story?
2) What kinds of behaviors have you personally seen at sporting events like this?
3) List as many societal reasons this type of behavior occurs in sport?
4) List as many solutions you could provide to diminish this behavior?

No Snitchin' just doesn't work anymore

Each year, we ask students who their favorite and least favorite role model is from the book. Every year Sherron Watkins, the whistle-blower from Enron, is the least favorite. The most popular explanation is, "She's a snitch." I get it. She broke the number one rule amongst teenagers.

60 Minutes did a story on No Snitchin' and how that motto has morphed itself from the Mafia to the streets of the inner city to the world we live in. People in this segment basically say that they will not turn anyone into the authorities, regardless of the circumstances. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTwipn-Fp_U

Author's Perspective: I am pretty firm on this one. It is time to end this motto. In the post 9/11 world and in the era of hyper-responsibility, 'no snitchin' just doesn't work anymore. I will attempt to show this to you by using certain stories:

Penn State: On separate occasions, a janitor and an assistant football coach witnessed Jerry Sandusky sexually abusing young boys. The janitor told another janitor and they agreed to tell no one. The assistant coach told the head football coach... who told the athletic director... who told the president of the university. Because no one screamed what they knew with a megaphone, held a press conference or went to the FBI, many more young boys were abused over the next 10 years!

Rutgers: A basketball coach physically abused his players for the better part of two years. Team managers, trainers, ball boys, custodians, assistant coaches and other players watched this behavior on a regular basis and... said absolutely nothing to stop it. The athletic director saw tapes of the abuse and he put the coach on probation. Other executives at the university saw the tape and did very little or nothing to stop it.

Lance Armstrong: Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France 6 times - all with the aid of performance enhancing drugs.  He cheated and got away with it for more than a decade. There was a code of silence amongst team members, trainers, doctors... This lie only served to tarnish the sport, erode trust and ruin the legacy of Lance Armstrong.

Boston Bombing: Two young men walked toward the finish line with backpacks full of explosives. Seconds later they walked away without their backpacks. Three people were killed and one hundred more were injured - many of whom had their legs blown off.  According to police, the captured terrorist indicated that he and his brother planned to detonate 6 other bombs crowded in Time Square  (New York City). Without the help of private citizens who aided the police in their investigation at multiple points in the man-hunt, who knows what would have happened. New York City Mayor Bloomberg said recently, "We are just thankful that we didn't have to find out that answer."

"If you see something, say something," is the slogan developed by the federal government in response to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. I think this should become the official slogan in schools, businesses, athletics, military, politics, & neighborhoods. Further, "if you see something and say nothing," you should be held accountable, regardless of your age or title. "No snitchin'" protects the bad guys and hurts the public. It's time to celebrate the Sherron Watkins' of the world and time to condemn those who say and do nothing when they see something. 

Your Turn (follow us & tweet responses @CDandLeadership using #CDandL):
1) Do you agree, slightly agree, slightly disagree or disagree with my opinion? Why? Use specific examples to back up your position.
2) Talk about how "no snitchin'" impacts bullying, cheating and the use of drugs at your school?

Hero in a Cowboy Hat

The bombings at the Boston Marathon captured the attention of all Americans last week - the innocent bystanders who were injured and killed, the manhunt for the terrorists, the killing of suspect #1 and the capture of suspect #2. In the weeks and months ahead, we will turn our focus toward the motive and the story behind this purposeful attack.

First Responders: I am always looking for stories related to character and leadership, and I didn't have to look very far in this story. Immediately after the bombs went off, most ran away and a few ran toward... toward chaos, toward the victims and toward the unknown. It took all of 14 seconds for first responders to reach the wounded. And, while many of those first responders were being paid for their services, several of the first responders were ordinary citizens who felt a need to help. One of those individuals is named Carlos Arrendondo - the man in the cowboy hat.

http://www.argusleader.com/viewart/20130417/UPDATES/130417011/Video-Carlos-Arredondo-Boston-Marathon-hero-cowboy-hat

Background on Carlos: Each year, Carlos hands out American flags at the finish line to runners who are running to honor fallen soldiers, including his son, Alexander. After being told that his son was killed in Iraq (2004), he locked himself inside a Marine Corp van and set the van on fire with the intent of killing himself. He was rescued by Marines. In 2011, his only other son, Brian committed suicide, never fully getting over the loss of his brother. Carlos knows pain, immense pain. And, yet, he's still here, helping others.

Immediate Action: Carlos was standing near the finish line when the bombs exploded. He jumped two fences and sprinted towards the victims. He immediately found a man with both legs blown off and he used articles of clothing to tie tourniquets. Carlos calmed the victim down by speaking to him calmly, "Stay with me... You are going to be alright." He located a wheelchair and raced him down the street to an ambulance, carrying this man's femoral artery in his hands. Carlos did not learn the name or the fate of the man he helped for nearly 24 hours.

Jeff Bauman: The victim's name is Jeff Bauman and he is alive today because of the heroic acts of Carlos Arrendondo. BTW - when Jeff Bauman woke up in the hospital, he immediately identified one of the bombers, helping the authorities solve this case quickly. Isn't that something?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGCtYM0zTaA (what Jeff did when he woke up)

Your Turn:
1) What separates those who run away from tragedy and those who run to help victims affected by such tragedy? What are the characteristics it takes to be in the latter group?
2) What do you think you would have done in that situation? Is this something you can prepare yourself for in the future? What do you think the authorities want you to do in such situations?

Rutgers Scandal Part II: Head's Roll

Please read the previous post to understand that on April 3rd, Rutgers athletic director, Tim Pernetti, fired head basketball coach, Mike Rice, for physically and verbally abusing his players over an extended period of time.  End of story, right? Wrong! On April 5, under public pressure, Pernetti resigns as athletic director. Rutgers President, Dr. Barchi cited a lack of judgment and a failure of process regarding the Coach Rice case. In other words, he fired Pernetti because he disagreed with Pernetti's approach of rehabilitating the coach. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl7I0wVmH8w (Athletic Director Pernetti Resigns)

Author's Perspective: I agree that former coach Mike Rice should have been fired.  He was fired for an extended history of abuse that is really inexcusable. Easy call. This one is not so clear-cut and a little more complicated. Let's examine the issue further:

Point: Pernetti saw the tape and he should have had the same reaction that the rest of us did - deeply appalled, disturbed and drawn to protect the players. The decision on how to reprimand Coach Rice was mainly left to his discretion and judgment. He made the wrong call, which taints his ability to make sound decisions, create a positive culture at Rutgers and look out for the well-being of the student-athletes. He chose to protect his coach rather than protect the players. 

Counter-Point: Upon seeing the video, Pernetti reported it up the chain of command. He told the president and the board of trustees. Other university officials watched the video. An independent investigation was launched to talk to players, former players and employees. University lawyers were consulted. In collaboration with various university officials, Pernetti decided to suspend Coach Rice for 3 games, fine him $50,000, mandate anger management classes and put him on a zero tolerance contract. Pernetti decided to give the coach a second chance, essentially following university protocol of a "first offense."

To me, this  decision is a tough one. I would look at this in context of Pernetti's overall record at Rutgers. Aside from this, what are his accomplishments? How do people view him? What kind of leadership style does he possess? His actions were not heinous or egregious. He made a judgment call after consulting superiors at the university, and I don't think this one decision warrants Pernetti being fired. For if you do hold the athletic director culpable, you should do the same for those who were consulted, including the president and members of the board... And, we should also hold ball-boys, assistant coaches, players, trainers  and the like responsible for witnessing this abuse on a daily basis and maintaining a code of silence. 

As you will see in the next video, the President's job is now in jeopardy. Where should this story end?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl-rSvJM7ns (should Dr. Barchi resign?)

Your Turn:
1) Would you have fired athletic director, Tim Pernetti?
2) Would you fire the President and others associated with the "non-firing" of Mike Rice?
3) Do you believe that grown adults who witnessed this abusive behavior for years and said nothing should share some responsibility?
4) If you have video evidence of a student at your school repeatedly bullying students, should the student be expelled forever or given detention and counseling?  If the principal sees the video and decides to go the latter route, should he be fired? What if the principal shows the video at a school board meeting and they agree with her decision? Should they all be fired? What should happen to the students who witnessed the bullying and did nothing for years?