Update: Zach Sobiech Dies

In March, I wrote about Zach Sobiech's inspirational fight with cancer. To see more on this story, click http://characterandleadership.blogspot.com/2013/03/boy-dying-of-cancer-inspires-others.html

On Monday, March 20, some 17 days after his eighteenth birthday, Zach died.

I have said all that I can say about this amazing person, so I will not repeat myself here.  I will simply leave you with the following video, which is a documentary about his final days. If you don't cry while watching this video, I am truly worried about you. If this does not inspire you to be a better person, I am truly worried about you.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20702225,00.html

My wish for you: As you complete another school year and begin another summer break, please use this story to keep your life and your problems in their proper perspective. I hope we all can keep Zach's life philosophy in mind, "What makes you happy is seeing someone smile because you put it there. That's what's awesome about living in this world." Imagine what the world would be like if we all embraced this message.

Your Turn:
No questions this time, just tweet your responses @CDandLeadership using #GoodByeZach

Reality Sketches: An Interesting Take

This Youtube clip ran across my desk the other day and I wanted to pass it along. Dove invited women into a studio for a series of "Reality Sketches." In the first sketch, a woman described herself to the artist. In the next segment, someone the woman just met described her to the same artist. A very interesting pattern emerged. To view the experiment, click below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk

The Pattern: In most cases, the self-described portrait was much uglier & harsher than the one described to the artist by a relative stranger. It seems that women are perhaps their own worst critic and are fairly critical of their own bodies. The question is why?

The Quest for Perfection: In a video I placed below, an industry insider says that 99.9% of all photos in a magazine are photo-shopped. This means that even the hottest Hollywood actresses and models have their photos air-brushed so they can live up to a certain public image. All this after spending 2 hours a day with a personal trainer at the gym, hiring the best hair and make-up artists, and possibly having surgeries to enhance their looks. The average reader has no idea that their favorite Hollywood star doesn't look that good in real life, which creates unrealistic expectations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP31r70_QNM&feature=fvwp&NR=1

A Little Experiment: For fun and intrigue, go to the mall and "people-watch." Pay attention to all the different body-types, skin tones, hair styles, facial features... Note your judgments of people. Then, flip through a magazine, watch commercials, look at models, actresses... note the differences between the "average person" and the "celebrity person."

Dove's Message: The messages to be thin,beautiful and perfect are everywhere. Men and women buy into this unattainable notion of perfection and internalize it. I think Dove is trying to say, "Don't be so harsh on yourself." "Celebrate the unique nature of your face and body." "Don't allow your self-esteem to be so closely tied to your looks."  "You are more beautiful than you think."

Your Turn:
1) When you finished watching Dove's Reality Sketches, what did you think and feel?
2) How much pressure do people in your generation feel to look a certain way?
3) Can a person's perceptions of themselves (i.e. their self-esteem) influence the outcomes of certain situations? Can you be successful if you think you're dumb? Can you be truly confident if you think your ugly? Worthless?

News Anchor Gets Fired For Swearing

AJ Clemente had a tough first day on the job at a NBC affiliate station in North Dakota. Without knowing that his microphone was live and that he was on the air, he said a few cuss words. Within 24 hours, he was fired by the station. Of course, the video went viral (not shown below because school is not the right context - read below) and people had all sorts of comments. He has appeared on many national entertainment shows including, David Lettermen, The View and Live with Kelly and Michael.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqC2Pc-Na3I (Live with Kelly and Michael)

Author's Perspective: First, let's get this out there - people swear. In almost every culture and in every language, there are "naughty," "bad" or "dirty" words.  In America, swearing is not dependent upon how much money you make, what color you are, what part of the country you are from or how you vote. Specifically, 72 percent of men and 58 percent of women swear in public (what about when they are alone and kick the dresser with their toe?). 74 percent of 18 to 34 year olds swear and 48 percent of people who are over age 55 do the same.  For more stats on swearing:
http://www.seattlepi.com/lifestyle/article/New-poll-Americans-swear-allegiance-to-1199629.php

The president of the United States admittedly has a foul-mouth as have many other presidents. The last two vice-presidents of the US were caught dropping the F-bomb. Doctors, teachers, principals, counselors, ministers, soldiers... swear.  Many don't, but many do. Truth is, I, "The Character Guy" swear. Get me on the golf course and I am known to let 'em fly. I have certain friends and family members that can't put together a sentence without swearing.

Context: While I can swear with the best of them, I don't swear in schools or around children. I don't swear around people I don't know and I usually don't swear in mixed company. Why? While many do swear, many don't - and many find that kind of language offensive or inappropriate - hence the term "bad" words. So, we all must learn context. When is it inappropriate? With whom? And, if I have to error, I error on the side of caution. You will never regret not swearing, but you will regret swearing in the wrong circumstance.

Contradiction of Terms: Even though I swear, there is nothing worse than hearing it used so casually in a public place, like a movie theater or a mall. I even confronted two guys at Arby's last year who were using very colorful language at a nearby booth when I was with my four children. They looked at my children and immediately apologized, as they should have. When I enter a school, I am bothered by students who casually swear and it is a quick way to judge the climate of a school.  Fair or not, we need to have rules of "naughty" words and context is crucial. 

Back to the Story: I am a big believer in second chances and I think AJ Clemente made an honest mistake. He did not do this with intent or purpose. I know many people complained and probably demanded that he be fired. I also wonder about the silent majority who didn't call, but feel the way I do. With a simple apology and some self-deprecating humor, this could blow over pretty quickly. I say give the guy another chance.

Your Turn (follow us & tweet responses @CDandLeadership using #CDandL): 1) Would you have fired him or do you think he should have been fired?
2) If you swear, do you know how to filter yourself when and where it is not appropriate to swear? Do you understand context?
3) As a class, can you come up with a list of do's and dont's when it comes to swearing?
4) How closely do you think swearing is tied to a person's character?

Another Senseless Tragedy: Soccer Referee Dies

In his spare time, Ricardo Portillo refereed local youth soccer games simply because he loved doing so. His daughters tried to get him to stop because he was previously attacked by soccer players who disagreed with his calls. One player broke his leg and another broke his ribs. On April 27, 2013, Portillo called a foul on a goalie and issued him a yellow card. In response, the 17-year-old player sucker-punched him in the face while Portillo was writing down his notes. Several hours later, he slipped into a coma. One week later, he died. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TKg8RLarrA

Author's Perspective: Three weeks ago I was in Taylorsville, Utah, a suburb of Salt Lake City. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen - nothing but mountains, sunshine and fresh air. The views are intoxicating and left me  feeling peaceful and calm. To think that in this setting, a boy would punch a referee because he received a "yellow card" in a youth-league soccer game with nothing at stake, is... absurd... crazy...so sad.




Small Picture: Ricardo Portillo's life is over at the age of 46 and all the good that he would have provided went with him. His daughters (Johana and Ana) were robbed of spending many more years together and will forever mourn him. His grandchildren will grow up without knowing him. This affects so many people - his extended family, his employer and friends. And, think about the life of this 17-year-old kid. Due to a momentary loss of his temper, his life is basically lost too.  He will spend most of his life in prison. His parents will mourn him too in their own way.

Big Picture: I could show you video after video of athletes, parents and coaches who act like idiots without any foresight of the consequences for their behavior. I hear obscenities in the crowds at games, watch coaches yell and scream at officials and have narrowly avoided fights between fans of competing schools. This inappropriate behavior happens at the professional level, in college, in high school and in recreational leagues.

Tip of The Iceberg: We hear about this case because Ricardo Portillo died. We never heard about the players who broke his ribs and leg. We don't hear about the thousands of outbursts, fights and injuries around this country. My question is, how did we get to this point? Where is the anger coming from? Isn't it just a game?  Athletics is supposed to provide people with exercise, competition and fun. It pushes a player to test individual limits and to work as a team. It also provides entertainment for those who are watching.

Your Turn (follow us & tweet responses @CDandLeadership using #CDandL): 1) What thoughts and feelings did you have when you heard this story?
2) What kinds of behaviors have you personally seen at sporting events like this?
3) List as many societal reasons this type of behavior occurs in sport?
4) List as many solutions you could provide to diminish this behavior?