Am I Allowed to Have Higher Expectations?

We have all seen so many of these kinds of stories that we typically just shake our heads and say, "Seriously. Does anyone have any integrity anymore?"  I remember when I was teaching this class on character and leadership back in 2001 and Kobe Bryant, a married man, was accused of raping a woman in a Denver hotel room. While we still don't know the particulars of that night, we do know that Kobe had sex with someone who was not his wife.  My students said to me, "If you can't expect that of Kobe Bryant, you can't expect that of me." Kobe lowered the bar of societal expectations. Since that day, I have seen scandal after scandal that cumulatively lowers the bar for the next generation.

The problem is that we get desensitized.  We start to think there is a new norm - the way we do when we watch Jersey Shore or The Real House Wives of Beverly Hills.  I'm not naive here.  I know the stats. Roughly 50% of husbands cheat and wives are not too far behind anymore in that category.  But, that still means that roughly 50% of spouses don't cheat.

Yes, tomorrow some athlete, celebrity or politician will get caught up in the next scandal and we will all shake our heads in unison.  There is always another story.  But, I must say, that I was a little surprised by the actions of a group of secret service agents, the ones who are charged with protecting the president of the United States.  I was left wondering, am I just crazy enough to think that we shouldn't raise our expectations? Shouldn't we all expect more from "the best of the best"? Shouldn't we expect more from society and its participants in general?  Don't words like character, integrity and good-judgment mean anything anymore. I don't know, but I can't help feeling a little deflated after reading a story like this. What say you? 


http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/columbia-obama-president-secret-service-prostitute-scandal-16187856
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDKgXrsXX7s&feature=relmfu

True Heroes: A Story of Courage & Bravery

Imagine that you are on spring break and going out for a late bite to eat.  Suddenly, a car races past you and crashes into a tree and bursts into flames. What do you do? Seriously? What would you do?

Well, Cody Decker and Luke Vaughn, two teenagers from DeWitt High School in Michigan, MI, found themselves in just this situation on April 4, 2012 in Florida.  Literally, without hesitation, Vaughn called 911 and Decker raced towards the car to provide immediate assistance. Despite running 1/4 of a mile, they were the only ones to arrive on the scene. They found a man and a woman trapped inside, screaming for their lives.  Decker broke the driver's side window and had to bend the door frame to get the couple out of the car safely. Together, the boys dragged the couple to safety.

Jessica Lopez, the daughter of the the woman in the crash said, "If it wasn't for them, we'd be attending two funerals right now." This is probably true. Others saw the crash and did nothing. These 17 year old boys responded. They responded with courage. They responded with bravery.  They responded with good judgement. They responded with immediate action, which is what the situation required. I am wondering, out loud, if you or I would have acted similarly.

Please watch 1 or 2 of these clips. Take a few minutes to honor these true heroes.

http://www.fox47news.com/news/topstories/146642445.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/07/michigan-teenagers-cody-d_n_1408605.html

Still Think Honesty Doesn't Matter?

Jermaine Jones, also known as the Gentle Giant, on American Idol was booted off the show because he had four warrants out for his arrest. Apparently, he did not disclose this information or the incidences that led to these charges.  In this video clip below, the producers say that they would have worked with him to clear up his record had he been honest, but because he was not honest, they had to let him go. 

While I do not approve of the public way they outed Jermaine on public television without any warning and the fact that they didn't talk to him more about these matters before making their final decision, this needs to be another reminder that whenever you lie or try to cover something up, it usually comes back to bite you.  In this case, his shot at becoming the next American Idol was lost. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=arGTP9irVus&feature=endscreen

Discussion Questions:
1) What kind of advice do you think Jermaine would give to someone else in his shoes?
2) Do you think that you would have disclosed these warrants for your arrest? Would you have discussed it with people on the show and asked for assistance?
3) Have there been times in your life when you lied about something and it hurt you in the long run?
4) What is your opinion about how the executives at American Idol handled this issue? What would you have done differently if you were in their shoes?

A Unique Comparison on Public Assistance

I am providing 3 links below.  The first link is about a woman, Amanda Clayton, who won 1 million dollars in the Michigan State Lottery last year.  At the time, she was receiving $200 in food stamps each month. She did not cancel her public assistance and continued to receive these food stamps. 

The next two links are from the movie, Cinderella Man. In the first scene, you will see Jimmy Braddock turning to his former boxing colleagues to ask for money after just signing up for public assistance (scene not shown). In the next scene you will see him being interviewed about returning the public assistance money he received from the government.  Before you say, "this is Hollywood", please know that this movie is based on the actual events that occurred in Jimmy Braddock's life.  We know this is factually accurate.

http://foxnewsinsider.com/2012/03/08/update-million-dollar-lotto-winner-loses-food-stamp-benefits/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNXTKVxOmfk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCKh3Jsge4E&feature=relmfu

Opinion: Let's remember that public assistance was provided by the government to help people who really needed it and had no other way out.  It is one of the roles of government to provide such help in desperate times. Let's also remember that those payments, while handed out by the government, actually come from the taxes of other working Americans.  As a taxpaying American, I believe we (our country) have an obligation to help those who are struggling. I also believe that public assistance is not a right or something to be taken advantage of.  That's why I believe the lottery winner in Michigan should have discontinued her benefits.  This is called fraud and taking advantage of the system, which is morally wrong (yes, I said it). 
My questions to you:
1) Do you side with the way Jimmy Braddock viewed public assistance (helping a good man when he's down) or with Amanda Clayton's view, (I have bills to pay too - hey, it's free money)?
2) Do you understand that public assistance leads to higher taxes out of your paycheck? Does it seem like Amanda Clayton was playing the system?
3) There is a current debate in government that looks at the amount of weeks someone should receive unemployment benefits from the government.  Right now, it is 52 weeks (one year). Some say that it should be extended. Others say that the government, which is 13 trillion dollars in debt, can't continue to support people who are out of work for longer than a year.  What is your opinion?  Be sure to look at it from all angles.
4) Do you think that the current generation of Americans have a different viewpoint of public assistance than those Americans who lived during the Great Depression? If so, what factors have led to this change? 
5) This debate rages on, particularly with the "Occupy Wallstreet" movement. Some say this movement has legitimate points. Some say this viewpoint is the problem with America.  On the other end of the spectrum, the "Tea Party" movement is saying that the Government needs to balance the budget and decrease taxes. Others feel their views are extreme and insensitive.  What say you?
6) Finally, did you know that 70% of lottery winners blow through all of their money within a few years. http://journalstar.com/special-section/news/article_ecba141b-3e59-5914-a321-38b4adb20733.html. Did you catch that this woman, Amanda Clayton, who is still on public assistance, has two house payments?  That means she went out and bought another house and probably a lot of off "things" with her money.  My guess is she will be in the 70%.  This embedded article says that character is the difference between profiting and blowing the money. 

Final Thoughts On Joe Paterno

I have seen lots of individuals, who were considered positive role models, let us down. The names of Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, OJ Simpson and Michael Phelps come to mind. To be honest, it really hurts to see Joe Paterno on that list. For me personally, it's difficult to see a legend, who did so many great things, go out like this. It seems that he exemplified all of the traits covered in this curriculum for a very long time.  It also goes against my belief to throw someone under the bus for one lapse in judgment unless it's something terrible and/or done with malice. Yet, I know many feel that his handling of the alleged abuse case at Penn State meets that criteria... which is why I will not provide a long commentary on this matter. Instead I ask you to watch the short video and then discuss it yourself. Just keep in mind that there are no right answers, just opions based on emotion and perspective.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1zK80YIuyw

What is Joe Paterno's legacy?
Should the media have been so quick to judge? Do you think some of them felt bad about their harsh comments when he died?
Did it make you sad that his life ended in this bitter way or was it Karma? Poetic Justice?
How do you balance all the good in his life with his lack of action on the abuse scandal? 

Attitude Goes A Long Way...Literally

I woke up at 6:40 a.m. to the sound of my wife saying, "Aren't you supposed to be at the airport?" I flew out of bed, but as I rubbed my blurry eyes, I instantly knew that it was too late.  For the first time that I can recall, I missed a flight and it was my own fault. I forgot to set my own alarm. 
I proceeded to go downstairs and call U.S. Airlines to find out my options. The customer service representative told me that I would have to pay a $150 change fee + the cost of the new ticket. If you don't know, buying a plane ticket on the day of travel is astronomically expensive.  My $285 flight to Sacramento, California was about to cost me about a thousand dollars. This was not the news I was hoping to hear.  I asked the rep if there were other options and he told me to get to the airport within two hours of the originally schedule flight and they might be able to do something for me. 
I arrived at Detroit Metro Airport at 9 a.m. or 1.5 hours after my originally scheduled flight. There were many ways to play the upcoming conversation.  In the end, I knew this was my fault and that I was at the mercy of the next U.S. Air employee. When Brenda said, "next," I knew that I just needed to be polite and contrite.  "I have never done this before, but I overslept and missed my flight this morning," I began. "Although this is entirely my fault, I sure hope that you can accommodate me and not make this too painful."  I could tell that Brenda was pleasantly surprised that I didn't give her any attitude or make any demands (she must get that all day - day after day).  She proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes with me - looking at every possible option - and the options weren't good.  Everything was booked for the next 30 hours. 
I could take a flight with 4 connections, which would take close to 15 hours or I could chance it by becoming a "stand-by" passenger on a flight that was overbooked.  This was complicated by checked luggage and a number of contingencies.  We talked about it and I decided on instinct that I should take the "stand-by" option.  Brenda was so helpful and accommodating that I asked her if I could by her lunch. She told me that I didn't have to, but I insisted and placed a $20 bill by her computer. After all, as I see it, she saved me about $700 in fees (what I call "Stupid Tax" when it is my fault).
She took my cell phone number and kept me updated.  There were 114 slots and 30 minutes prior to take off, she called to say that 113 passengers had checked in. By rule, no one can get through security less than 30 minutes prior to take off, meaning that I was going to make that flight.  I can't tell you how relieved and excited I was.  I needed to be in California for business and Brenda saved the day.  I arrived in California a mere 3 hours later than my originally scheduled flight. 
I do wonder what would have happened if I had been rude or demanding to Brenda. Would she have been so accommodating? Would she have waved those "change" fees? I don't know, but I like to think that my honest approach and positive attitude altered the situation.  While I was at the airline's mercy, I still could control how I approached the situation and ultimately, the outcome.  You might want to try this approach and see what happens.
In the end, 1) I sent a nice letter to U.S. Air regarding Brenda's outstanding customer service, 2) Brenda got a nice tip and a good lunch because she was kind and helpful to a stranger and 3) I got where I was going without too much hassle. Here's one more thank you to Brenda for making my day!

Penn State: Lessons Learned

The Penn State Scandal is tragic, shocking and upsetting. A few weeks have passed since the revelation that Jerry Sandusky, a former assistant coach for the football team, had been sexually abusing young boys for decades. The grand jury report suggests that many individuals had direct or indirect knowledge of this abuse and didn't do enough to stop it. Consequently, the head football coach, the athletic director and the president of the university were fired. While all the facts of the case are not known, there seems to be several lessons that we should take from this tragic story. 

Lesson # 1 - Bad People Do Bad Things: There are people in this world who are committing heinous crimes.  It happens everyday and it will happen tomorrow.  There are people like Jerry Sandusky all over this world who carry out evil acts with forethought and intent. Despite all of our collective wishes to the contrary, bad people will continue to do bad things.
Lesson # 2 –It Takes Personal Responsibility to Stop Evil: There is a quote by an English philosopher that fits this situation well, "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." Based on the grand jury testimony, there were two eye-witness accounts to the graphic sexual abuse in the showers on the campus of Penn State: 1) a custodian (Jim Calhoun) in 2000 and 2) a graduate assistant (Mike McQueary)  in 2002. The custodian told his supervisor and his supervisor in return told him that if he chose to report it, he would support him. The custodian did not report the incident. The graduate assistant chose to call his dad for advice. The next morning he reported the incident to head football coach, Joe Paterno.  The next day, Joe Paterno told the athletic director. The next day, the athletic director told his boss.  Eventually, it made it up to the president of the university.  Unfortunately, no one told the police.  No one even found out who the victim was or initiated an investigation. In total, at least 16 people knew something wrong was going on and didn't go to the police. The lesson here is that we have a moral responsibility in addition our legal responsibility. We cannot pass the buck or mistakenly think that someone else will handle it. The janitor was too worried about his job and the graduate assistant froze under pressure. Others might have minimized, rationalized or thought it didn’t fit into their job description. The irony is that if anyone of these people had simply called the police or made a public statement to the media, they would now be called heroes. Instead by bystanding, they allowed evil to flourish and go unchallenged. Why good men did nothing is the true fascination with this case and the reason the media covered this story non-stop. 
Lesson #3 - Prepare Yourself to Handle Difficult Situations - Everyone who talks about this case says that he/she would have called the police, confronted the perpetrator and protected the child (me included). The research suggests otherwise.  People freeze, people get scared, people rationalize. The brain takes longer to process information in a crisis and we struggle to make good decisions. Here are two metaphors to explain this point. First, 56% of passengers involved in a serious plane crash, survive. The survival favors people who were smart enough to develop an escape plan before the plane took off (read the safety briefing cards, located exits and listened to the flight attendant’s safety briefings). These people use their plan to override fear and denial, thereby responding quicker and with more wisdom.  Disaster research suggests that less than 10% of us can actually excel in an emergency situation.
The second metaphor is something most of us can relate to and a lot more common. All driving experts say that drivers should never swerve for an animal that darts out in front of a moving vehicle. Rather, drivers are told to hit the animal. http://www.autoinsurance.org/how-to-avoid-deer-collisions/. This includes cute little squirrels and innocent "Bambi's." The reason is simple - swerving to avoid an animal often injures and/or kills people. One day, I asked my wife is she could resist the natural instinct to swerve in such an instance. She said that she didn't know if she could. I reminded her of our four children and innocent people in oncoming traffic. She said, "Wait a minute...I just made my decision." It's important for all of us to make our decisions and develop plans before they occur. While it's impossible to prepare for every situation, it is more than possible to say, "I will confront people acting unethically or who are breaking the law or at the very least report it to the police."
Lesson #4 - One Bad Decision Can Override 100 Good Ones: This is a very tough lesson. I remember a local news anchor who was a pillar of the community and was very well-respected. One night after a charity function, he got into his car after drinking and killed someone by running a red light. He was fired from his job and he is still in prison today. How tragic for all involved. All the good deeds he had performed & all of the good decisions he made before that moment could not override that one bad decision. The consequence was final and irreversible. In this case, Joe Paterno had lived an exemplary life filled with virtue and integrity. He was respected by everyone in his profession. He spent 61 years at Penn State University trying to do the right thing and to be a positive role model. He donated enough of his personal money to build a new library on campus. With all of that said, he was fired less than a week after the grand jury report came out documenting that he did not call the police. He made a poor decision. We still don't know why, but even he acknowledged, "I wish I had done more." This is a tough lesson to learn and not altogether a fair one. No one is perfect and we shouldn't be expected to be. Unfortunately, every decision, whether it be small or large, has real consequences. 
Lesson #5 - Reputation and Legacy Matter: If you don't believe me, ask President Clinton, Tiger Woods, Barry Bonds or Joe Paterno. Society mistakenly places such a high emphasis on material possessions, but in the end, it doesn't matter how much money you make or what kind of car you drive. We will ultimately be judged and remembered based on how we treat other people, take responsibility for ourselves, live with integrity and contribute to society.  That is how we build a reputation and create a legacy to leave behind when we leave this earth. It is important not to lose sight of this important lesson.