The Lessons of Reality TV

Several years ago a study was conducted on the top 100 sitcoms (half hour comedy TV shows) of all time. As a class you can name many of them without looking at the list below. The researcher found something very interesting when he divided the list between "prior to Cheers" (1982) and those that came after 1982. All of the shows that came before Cheers had one thing in common. Can you guess what it was? Each episode ended with a "moral of the story" or a "life-lesson to be learned." In fact, the writers often started with the lesson and then crafted the episode to teach that lesson. Most of the the sitcoms that came after Cheers were not centered around a life-lesson, rather most were just comedy for comedy-sake.

http://www.listal.com/list/100-greatest-sitcoms-alltime

Author's Perspective: I am the first to acknowledge that Seinfeld, Friends and Will & Grace cracked me up. I laughed right along with everyone else. However, the lessons my mom learned from watching I love Lucy, Sanford & Son and Andy Griffith, and the lessons I learned from watching Happy Days, Family Ties and The Cosby Show are very different from the lessons you are learning from The Simpsons, The Office and Two and a Half Men. It's just a fact.

Now, let's throw in reality TV. What lessons do you think are the lessons taught by most reality TV shows? Are Snooky and Honey-Boo-Boo teaching kids about humility and personal responsibility? Are the "Real Housewives of Hollywood" teaching young girls how to be respectful and to have composure? Is The Bachelor" teaching the next generation about the realities of love and relationships? There are exceptions (Undercover Boss, Extreme Home Makeover & The Biggest Loser), but most of the lessons being taught on reality TV run contrary to the traits taught in this class and valued by most of American society.  What do you think would have been the life lessons taught by "My Baby's Daddy," that was cancelled due to public protest?

Now, before you tell me that reality TV doesn't negatively impact you, here are a couple of findings from a 2010 research study conducted by the Girl Scouts of American that included 1,100 11-17 year old girls divided between those who "regularly" watch reality TV and those who "infrequently" watch reality TV.

Almost all the girls (86%) in the study believe that reality shows promote bad behavior. However, girls who regularly watched reality TV differed from girls who infrequently watched on a number of variables. Reality TV watchers compared to non-reality TV watchers:

• Thought gossiping was a normal part of a relationship between girls (78% vs. 54%)
• Thought it's in a girls nature to be catty with each other (68% vs. 50%)
• Are happier when they are dating someone (49% vs. 28%)
• Spent a lot of time on their appearance (72% vs. 42%)
• Believe you have to lie to get what you want (37% vs. 24%)

For further results, go to www.girlscouts.org/research/publications/girlsandmedia/real_to_me.asp

I believe that the lessons learned from TV by the average teenager today is very different from the lessons learned by the average teenager 10 years ago, 30 years ago and 50 years ago. How much impact does that have on beliefs, attitudes and behavior? There is no perfect way to measure that impact because so many variables combine to form our own world views.  However, we all must acknowledge that it changes our reality and to some degree, changes society.

Your Turn:
1) Do you watch reality TV? What shows? Pick a show and write down the main lessons this show teaches?
2) On a scale of 1-10, how much do you think reality TV affects you? Explain your answer.
3) Would you feel comfortable allowing a 10 year old to watch reality TV shows? Which ones would you recommend and which ones would you eliminate?

The Impact of Violence in the Media

This and my next post (on reality TV) focuses on the relationship between television/movies/music and our culture. I will be asking you the question, "Does what we watch influence our thoughts, actions or viewpoints?" Before you answer, I want to share a few stories with you. 

Caution: This first story is very disturbing. Teachers please watch ahead of time to decide if this is appropriate for your students and something you want to tackle in class. 

In late September, 2012, a 17 year-old-boy watched the horror film remake Halloween.  He became intrigued by the ease at which, the main character in the movie, was able to kill without remorse. He watched the movie over and over again. Afterward, he openly wondered if he could kill someone and have a similar reaction. In a 4-page written confession, he wrote, "I just sat in the living room thinking about how I was going to kill my family." On October 3, 2012, he stole a gun from his Grandpa and killed his mom and his little sister.  For further details, click on the following link:
http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/01/25/16692073-teens-confession-horror-film-inspired-murder-of-mom-sister?lite

Author's Perspective: For years I have asked teachers and parents the following question, "Why are the ethics of Americans declining?" One of the many reasons that we discuss is the media. To some extent, what we spend our time doing (TV, video games, Internet, texting, movies, music) has to alter the way we view reality. Studies in the 1970's document that children exposed to aggressive acts were much more likely to be violent than children exposed to calm acts.
http://psychology.about.com/od/classicpsychologystudies/a/bobo-doll-experiment.htm (article)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHHdovKHDNU (video)

Current studies on the effects of violent video games basically demonstrates the same thing - those exposed to violent video games had a spike in violent behavior. 
http://www.soc.iastate.edu/sapp/videogames1.pdf (very long research article)

These studies should not be a shocker to anyone. As parents we monitor what our kids watch on TV and routinely say, "No...It's not appropriate." Why? Because we did not like our oldest daughter's behavior toward her younger siblings after watching shows like Spoungebob or Ben10 that involve fighting and meanness. For us, the effect was obvious.

Back to Our Story: I realize that millions have watched the movie Halloween and have not gone on to injure or kill anyone. However, for this seemingly normal adolescent boy, it changed his life and the life of his family. By the way, after killing his mother and sister, he wrote, "I know now though that I'm done with killing. It's the most dreadful and terrifying thing I will ever experience. And what happened last night will haunt me forever."

I am just asking you to be conscious of the media and technology that you consume.  It's the old adage, "You are what you eat."

Your Turn
1) Do you find this story as sad and disturbing as I do?
2) Do you believe that what we watch/listen to/spend our time on can affect our perceptions of reality? Our Behavior? Our ethics? Can you think of any examples? 
3) Should we do anything as a society to limit the violence that is available on TV, video games or at the movies the way they do in Europe or is that a violation of our freedoms?

New Year's Resolutions...Good Idea or Waste of Time?

At the beginning of each year, roughly 45% of Americans make new year's resolutions. Most of these resolutions pertain to health (lose weight), happiness (enjoy life more) or a new skill (learn a new language). Most are sincere when they make them, but only 8% of Americans are successful at changing their new resolutions into reality. Another 38% of Americans swear off the notion of making New Year's Resolutions. For further information, check out:

http://www.statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/

A Little Inspiration: Check out the following link to see how one person set life 127 life goals when he was 15, and has spent a lifetime achieving them. www.johngoddard.info/life_list.htm

Author's Perspective: This seems like a no-brainer. A new year's resolution is nothing more than a stated or written goal. It is good to set goals, but if you don't follow through on them, it is just a waste of time. It's kind of like the goal I would set at the beginning of each semester "not to procrastinate anymore" after pulling too many all-nighters the prior semester. Without changing behavior, that goal will never materialize.

To turn a goal into reality is relatively simple:
1. Write it down and put it in a visible place.
2. Make it public so others can reinforce your efforts.
3. Write down small, specific steps needed to attain that goal.
4. Work hard to accomplish those small steps and cross them off the list.

I used to be part of the 38% who swore off resolutions. I thought it was silly to pick one time of year to make goals. It was the same rationale I had for sending flowers on Valentine's Day (why send flowers on a prescribed date when I can do it any day of the year). I changed my mind a few years ago when I decided to teach my girls to set goals for themselves. Somehow the logic of the new year made sense.

My New Year's Resolutions: 1) memorize the 44 presidents of the United States and teach them to my 7 year old, 2) learn to play the guitar and 3) live a simpler lifestyle. Learning the presidents is easy enough - break open the book of president's at the breakfast table and review them. Set a small goal to learn three a week and set a major goal to recite them all by Memorial Day. Likewise, the goals for learning to play the guitar are pretty straight forward. Find a person who gives lessons and schedule the lessons. Set aside time to practice each week. The last resolution is more difficult. This one requires me to define what a "simpler lifestyle" means, discuss it at length with my wife and make big and small changes. Believe me, listing them here would bore you to death.

Your Turn:
1) What is your opinion about setting new year's resolutions? Why do you believe that?
2) Write down what your resolutions are for this year? Write down the steps to achieve them? This is essentially your assignment for week 2 anyway.
3) Why do you think only 8% achieve their resolutions?

Lance Armstrong Deserves No Credit for Coming Clean

Sometime this week, Oprah Winfrey will interview Lance Armstrong and he is expected to guardedly admit that he used performance enhancing drugs during his tenure of winning 7 Tour de France titles. This confession will contradict his denials over the past decade to the contrary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juVzHD7NEgk (before interview)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biIvT_r-DQg (part 1 of interview - watch first 5 minutes)

Author's Perspective: Lance Armstrong has a team of advisors, publicists & lawyers who, for the past month, have been debating about whether or not Lance should come clean about using performance enhancing drugs (a.k.a. cheating). That's all I need to hear. When someone needs to weigh their options and understand the consequences of being honest, they lose all credibility with me. This is called situational ethics, and in my opinion, the truth should not depend on the circumstances.  It should not be calculated and weighed by a group of advisors. 

When Armstrong is crying (something his advisors are probably debating right now) to Oprah this week about how he couldn't deal with the guilt, I will not be watching or listening because I know that he is a phony. Lance Armstrong's decision to come clean was a calculated decision made in the best interest of Lance Armstrong.

Moral of the Story: Do the right thing, play by the rules and be honest. If and when you screw up, admit it and move on. If Armstrong had lived by this code, he would not be in this situation. He might have still won a Tour de France or two or he would have finished runner up several times. He would have been known as the guy who overcame cancer and gave it everything he had. His reputation would have been intact. Now, he is simply known as a cheater and a fraud.

Your Turn:
1) Do you think I am being too harsh on Lance? What is your response to his "coming clean?"
2) It is tempting to lie or cheat in order to gain favor, finances or fame. Do you think it is worth it to do so? Have you ever done so (I have)?
3) Would you rather have a solid reputation based on character or fame based on false pretenses?

Finding My Voice About Sandy Hook

On December 14, 2012, a man broke into his mother's locked gun case and proceeded to kill his mother in her sleep. Fully loaded with guns and bullets, he forced his way through a security system at Sandy Hook Elementary School. He subsequently killed 26 people, including 20 first graders. He then turned the gun on himself.

Author's Perspective: To be honest, for the past several weeks I could not find my voice on this issue and had no idea what to write about. The sadness... the senselessness... the devastation... the heartbreak... It was too overwhelming... too difficult to face.

I have a Ph.D. in this psychology stuff and I can't begin to understand this kind of madness.  The questions of why will never be answered and each question leads me down a different dead end path.
1) Should we ban assault riffles and have stricter gun laws in this country? Would this have mattered?
2) Should we provide armed guards at every school in America?
3) Should we take better care of our mentally ill in America?
4) Should we eliminate the coverage of this murderer in hopes of dissuading future psychos who want infamy for going out in a blaze of unglory?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vhdWElfNqQ (a special tribute to the victims)

Those questions are for you and others to contemplate. My thoughts and my voice are reserved for the victims. These innocent victims who should have spent Christmas with their families. My heart aches for the poor families of the survivors who are unable to spend 2013 and every other year with their departed loved-ones. I shake my head at the power that one person can have over the lives of so many. It all makes me so very sad and brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it, as it should.

I have known too many people who have been devastated by similar, but not as well-known shooting disasters. Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand. My wish for 2013 is that we have a cultural shift emphasizing and celebrating the importance of every human life.   

Students Choose Holding Hands As Punishment for Fighting

Two male students got into a fight at Westood High School in Mesa, Arizona. The principal decided to give these students an option - either get suspended or hold hands for one hour in front of other students. Both students chose to hold hands and forgo the suspension. Sounds innocent enough. However, during the one hour punishment, fellow students laughed at them, mocked them and called them names. Students took pictures and placed them on social media sites. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/30/westwood-high-school-hold-hands-punishment_n_2218698.html

Point: These two boys fought on school grounds. The principal tried to think of a creative alternative other than the easy 2 days of suspension and missed school time. While unconventional, I am sure the principal wanted to teach a lesson that runs contrary to violence, aggression and fighting. He decided holding hands would fit the bill. He presented the options to the students and gave them the choice. The principal did not "force" them to hold hands, the students chose it. The principal nor the two boys could foresee how immature the other students would act. 

Counterpoint: Even though the students "chose" this form of punishment, it was cruel and unusual punishment. Some say it invited taunting and teasing. Some say that two males holding hands is not an appropriate form of punishment because it offends gay individuals and sends the wrong message.  In addition, the principal should have run this punishment by the school board before-hand and he should have forseen how this whole incident would play itself out in these modern times.

Author's Perspective: To be honest, I don't know if this was good leadership that showed creativity or poor leadership that lacked insensitivity. What sparked my interest in this story is what happened next: 1) The school board began talking about firing the principal. 2) In response, the students showed their unity for their principal by (get this) holding hands to create a massive human link of support. They even made t-shirts for the protest that read, "Keep Calm - Hold Hands." Using irony and metaphor to make such a powerful point is genius. Here is their point - you don't fire someone based on one controversial decision. Stop burning people at the stake because they tried something outside the box. For if you do, only leaders without imagination or courage will remain!   

http://www.usatoday.com/media/cinematic/video/1747533/principal-makes-two-fighting-students-hold-hands/

Your Turn
1) What is your opinion about how the principal handled this incident? If you were the principal, what would you have done?
2) If you disagree with the punishment of the principal, do you think he should have been fired?
3) Do you feel the principal had good intentions or did he deliberately do this to humiliate them?
4) Maybe the punishment wasn't the problem. Maybe the problem was the students' response to the punishment. What level of blame should the student body take for teasing and harassing the boys?
5) If this is a learning point, what did you learn from this entire incident?

A Season of Giving

Andre Johnson, a wide receiver, for the Houston Texans, took 12 kids on an 80 second shopping spree at Toys R Us this week. These kids were chosen by Child Protective Services because they had especially difficult circumstances of abuse and neglect. Each child was given a cart and 80 seconds to gather as many toys as they could... and could they ever. The final tab was just over $19,000.  Johnson said after the event, "That's what this season is about. It's something I look forward to. The kids are happy, they get what they want for Christmas, and that's all that matters."

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/texans-wr-andre-johnson-drops-19k-toy-shopping-205258442--nfl.html (article)

A Country of Giving: I couldn't agree more with Mr. Johnson's statement. Let's remember that there are thousands of individuals and foundations that set aside money and time to help disadvantaged youth. It should also be noted that donating time and money is not just for the rich. In 2010, 88% of Americans stated that they donated time and money to charity for a combined total of $291 billion.

Personal Giving: Two weeks ago my two eldest daughters (6 and 5 years old) and I spent a Saturday packing 1,500 shoe boxes full of clothing, stuffed animals, candy and toys. The recipients are children in third-world countries who have never received a gift in their lives. Each December we visit our bank and select several families to provide Christmas presents. We are continually surprised by the 5 year old who wants gloves or boots instead of a toy. My wife takes our kids to a senior citizen's home to spread our smiles, enthusiasm and well-wishes. This year we selected a soldier to send gifts and cards to while he is serving our country in the Middle East. In a few short years, I plan to take our kids to the Lansing Soup Kitchen on Christmas so my children can appreciate how fortunate they are to have a house and food in the frig.

Your Turn:
1) So, what about you? What do you do to give back? What can you do to make a difference? If you have donated before, how did it make you feel?
2) Has anyone ever helped you out in a time of need? What did that mean to you?
3) It's that time of year. With the help of your class, your family or your friends, can you develop a plan to help others who are less fortunate than you?